I have never felt at home in a department the way that I do with my current group of coworkers.
It is because of this, and the fact that I have nothing better to stress out about, that I am beginning to worry about next year. There is a certain possibility that, in order to preserve jobs, I will be moved back into the math department.
While I love teaching math, I don't feel as though I belong in that department.
I've also begun seriously debating whether or not to continue this blog. I've had several interactions with parents and students about which I want to write, but don't feel safe doing so. I may write them as hidden posts, but that feel dishonest to the mission of what I'm trying to do here.
I knew that it would be a risk when I decided to write publicly and it's never been a problem. I'm very conscious about what I put in here and am very careful to not speak ill of anyone. This is partially because I hate getting in trouble, but also because it doesn't help me to become a better teacher.
So with that in mind, I'll admit that I feel as though I've hit a slump, not just with my writing, but with my teaching. I know that moving from math into science puts me back to being close to a first year teacher again. Yes, I know the students, my style, my philosophies, my strengths and my weaknesses, but I don't know the content.
A large portion of how I teach relies on my being comfortable enough with the material to be able to improvise a considerable amount. While I'm able to still do that, having 5 sections of Astronomy, and feeling the need to keep them at the same pace for my own sanity, makes that very difficult. It's much easier to keep 2 sections in the same spot than it is to keep 5.
My colleagues are amazing in this regard and we frequently discuss pacing, but I still feel out of my depth.
In any event, I'm going to keep writing because I have the momentum and I don't think I could take a break without stopping completely.
I'm going to gaze at the snow and contemplate.
I've also begun seriously debating whether or not to continue this blog. I've had several interactions with parents and students about which I want to write, but don't feel safe doing so. I may write them as hidden posts, but that feel dishonest to the mission of what I'm trying to do here.
I knew that it would be a risk when I decided to write publicly and it's never been a problem. I'm very conscious about what I put in here and am very careful to not speak ill of anyone. This is partially because I hate getting in trouble, but also because it doesn't help me to become a better teacher.
So with that in mind, I'll admit that I feel as though I've hit a slump, not just with my writing, but with my teaching. I know that moving from math into science puts me back to being close to a first year teacher again. Yes, I know the students, my style, my philosophies, my strengths and my weaknesses, but I don't know the content.
A large portion of how I teach relies on my being comfortable enough with the material to be able to improvise a considerable amount. While I'm able to still do that, having 5 sections of Astronomy, and feeling the need to keep them at the same pace for my own sanity, makes that very difficult. It's much easier to keep 2 sections in the same spot than it is to keep 5.
My colleagues are amazing in this regard and we frequently discuss pacing, but I still feel out of my depth.
In any event, I'm going to keep writing because I have the momentum and I don't think I could take a break without stopping completely.
I'm going to gaze at the snow and contemplate.
I'm glad you've found good company in your new department. I've been part of many teams, both good and not so good. When it's good, it makes coming to work so much more enjoyable. I know you've put a lot of work into your new curriculum, and hope you get to stay where you are next year.
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to hit slumps, especially at this time of year. Keep plugging away! As far as discontinuing the blog: know that if you stopped tomorrow you've made a tremendous contribution to the profession by cataloging with care and humanity the joys and challenges of being a teacher.