Day 121: Sick and Tired

I'm 90% sure that I have an upper respiratory infection.  I am going to blame that and not seasonal burnout for my current mood.

I've been avoiding complaining about the weather because everyone is doing that and there is nothing to do about it.  I am now convinced, however, that if it snows again, I will have to take a day off of school and sit at home and cry.

Even after a weekend at home, I was not ready for this morning.  I knew what I wanted my classes to do, but I wasn't ready to do it, either physically or mentally.

It turned out, I wasn't the only one.

Geometry: 
Plans were:

• Collect the take-home test that was assigned over the weekend
• Discuss general questions on the topics included on the test
• Verbal quiz on terms of the chapter
• Watch Sunday's episode of Cosmos

What actually happened:

• Collect the take-home test that was assigned over the weekend
• Discover that more than half the class didn't complete the 19 question test, with 7 students not even starting it
• Discuss my expectations for the class
• Remind them that trying and failing is acceptable
• Remind them that not trying is unacceptable.
• Hand out scaling project that was going to be homework
• Field comment from a student that boiled down to "we should do more calculation. I have a question on the homework."
• Ask student where he was when I asked about homework (for the past week)
• Patiently and understandingly go over questions on various homework problems, making students do the work.
• Not watch Sunday's episode of Cosmos (maybe tomorrow)

Pre-Algebra:
Plans were:

• Hand back quizzes from Friday
• Go over quizzes
• Hand out scaling project to be done in class

 What actually happened:

• Hand back quizzes from Friday
• Go over quizzes
• Get into 20 minute discussion of combination/permutations involving email and PSP passwords
• Hand out scaling project with detailed directions
• Go over detailed directions as a class
• Ask for question on detailed directions
• Acknowledge no questions on detailed directions
• Ask students to begin working
• 20% begin working
• 15% ask "What are we supposed to be doing?"
• 25% put token effort into pretending to work
• 40% don't bother pretending

Two students in my 8/9 were so disruptive that I had to remove them. They began screaming about having to go to the bathroom.  I told them that they could come back in as soon as they were able to control their volume.

Then I called home.  They were disruptive for a suitable time after that to show that they weren't calming down because I called home, but because THEY wanted to.  I was alright with that since they also then got to work.

As I'm typing this, I'm thinking about the things I could have done differently.  I could have modified the instructions to make them more clear.  I could have asked students (called on randomly) to explain the directions.

But I don't want to.

I want, just for a little while, for the kids to do what I ask without a massive fight.

I want, just for a little while, for them to not take (or pretend to take) requests to do work so personally.

I want, just for a little while, to have more parents answer the phone when I call than not.

I want, just for a little while, to skip the time of the year when I hate being a teacher.


My throat hurts.

My head hurts.

I have a fever.

I am coughing.

I think tomorrow, I'm staying home.

Edit: After school, a coworkers told me that it's time to collect a paycheck and worry about teaching my own kids.  Rather than go into a long rant about how my paycheck isn't enough to pay the bills I have, I'll simply state that I need to try to surround myself with my positive coworkers.

They are hard to find.  We are all burned out.

Day 120: Buffon and A Quiz

I honestly have no idea why the numbers in my world are so violent...

I managed to only spend 20 minutes of geometry talking about space-time and the nature of the universe.

I planned to do Buffon's Needle with all of my classes today.  I wanted to use frozen hotdogs just so that I could have that be the title of the blog.  It is, however, to know our students and, upon some serious reflection, I decided that frozen hotdogs would be more of a liability than an asset.

So I used chalk.

The geometry kids got really into it and we had a good discussion about statistical anomalies and the value of multiple trials.

I am still missing assignments from MANY of those kids and their parents are starting to notice the zeroes on their online grades.  The Chapter 5 solution guides were due three weeks ago and more than half of them still haven't come in.  I don't mind work coming in late, provided they are using that time to improve the quality.  From what I've seen, that has not been the case.

The pre-algebra kids took a quiz today before moving on to the next section.  They were allowed to work in groups, but each person had to turn in their own.

7 students decided it would be a better use of their time to not do the quiz.  It sure made it easy to grade!

I think that, after the horrible day I had on Wednesday, my mind is overcompensating and swung me hard into indifference.  This is not a good place to be for a teacher, especially one who cares about improving their craft.

It feels very much like a defense mechanism.  I have been trying for 120 days to get these kids to care about their futures, their learning, their effort, their...anything.  I have come to a conclusion.

I don't know how to make kids care.

The ones who do, I can be a very effective teacher.  I can work with anyone who wants to learn something and I can use personal interests to bring in those on the fence.

As far as I can tell, there are four major motivations for students working:

1. I want to learn
2. I want the approval/respect of my parents/teachers
3. I want good grades for me
4. I don't want to get yelled at for bad grades

I think a great teacher can spark curiosity in their students, moving them from numbers 3 or 4 to number 1, or at least number 2.

I can't even identify where some of my students are on this list, so my ability to move them is minimal.



On a more content-related note, I think I have successfully cured my pre-algebra students of using "cross-multiply."  When we started proportions, I heard it with every other problem.  Now, I don't think I've heard it in over a week.  What I'm hearing instead is "don't we multiply 15 to both sides?"

If nothing else, I consider this a massive victory.  If you don't know why, check out Nix The Tricks.

I have noticed that they head towards specific tactics, not just as individuals, but as a class.

Students: "We don't want the x on the bottom.  So let's take the reciprocal of both sides."
Me: "Do we have to do that?"
S: "No.  We could multiply x on both sides, but it's easier to flip them."

Then the interesting stuff started showing up.

S: "Can I move the x to the other side?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
S: "It's easier for me if the x is on the right instead of the left."
Me: "Show me."

Me: "Why can you do this?"
S: "The equal sign is a balance and both sides are the same so we can switch them if we want."
Me: "Fair enough.  What's next?"
S: "Then we multiply by 6 on both sides so the 6's cancel out and simplify."

They get the concepts and, from what I can tell, they understand the underlying math.  What I don't understand is why they (as a class) feel the need to move the variable to right side of the equation.

Day 119: Vocab Review, Gettin' Ma Hur Did

It was commented that I need to stop drawing lockers and graveyards because there appears to be a correlation between the images I draw and the day I have.  I am well aware that correlation does not imply causality, but I can't deny the connection.

Through my various conferences with my geometry students, I discovered something interesting.  They don't know the terms that they are using.  Specifically, they have difficulty distinguishing between altitude, median, and perpendicular bisector.  These are kinda important, so I decided to reinforce them.

"Jake! What's an altitude?"
"It's a line from the vertex to the opposite side?"
"What else?"
"It has to be perpendicular to that side."
"Good! Travis! What's an altitude?"

It went on like this, with me calling on about 8 kids asking for the definition before everyone was giving approximately the same answer.

Without warning, I switched words.

"Donovan! What's a median?"
It threw him off slightly, but he got it.  I asked 5-6 kids to define altitude.

Then I started randomly switching between altitude and median.  Then I threw in perpendicular bisector.  When a student didn't know the definition, I would move on to someone else, then come right back to them.

The kids got really into it, much more so than I anticipated.  We did it again at the end of class and I plan to do it with vital vocab from now on.  The positivity that was pervasive in the class was wonderful and really helped to lift my spirits from yesterday.


I was dubious about pre-algebra today after how yesterday went.  We went over the problem that should have been for homework, but no one did and spent the period working through example of indirect measurement.  There were several students who were engaged for the entire period and several others who checked in and out.

Overall, I was pleased with how the class went.

Of the two students with whom I had difficulty yesterday, one wasn't there and the other sat quietly in the back and did her work.

I have spoken numerous times with other teachers about how nothing is more important for the education of students than the building and developing of a trusting relationship.  No one learns from someone that they don't trust.

So, in the spirit of building relationships with my students...

Day 118: Remembered Anger

I am tired.  Too tired.

I lost my temper.  I said some things I should not have said.  I reacted in ways that I should not have reacted.

I had two particularly bad interactions with students in which, I felt justified at the time, but afterward, I think I handled very poorly.  I have a sharp tongue and instead of trying to get to the root of the problem, I tried to shut the students down to end the interaction.

It turned into a power play, which I've been trying to avoid all year.

Power struggles with students are always losing battles, even if you win.  I managed not to yell, but that doesn't change the fact that I did not behave in the fashion I should have.

I ended up calling the parents of both students to express my (genuine) concerns about their behavior and academic performance.

I began the conversation with the second parent by telling her the complete story and apologizing for my unprofessional behavior.  Either she was an inherently reasonable person, or she heard the defeat and despair in my voice and realized that I knew I had gone too far.

Either way, it was a good discussion that, I feel, was very productive.


Regardless, I feel awful.  I have 6 kids in the class who have been doing amazing work for me and I can't teach them because I don't have the skill or ability to deal with the rest of the class.  I have tried a multitude of different tactics with minimal success.  It's not as though certain tactics work with certain kids.  No matter what I've done, those 6 kids are engaged 80-100% of the time.  No matter what I've done, the rest are engaged 0-20% of the time.

I don't believe that kids are unreachable, but I'm coming to the conclusion that I can't reach them.



I need to go back and read my blog posts for 6 months ago to renew some of my enthusiasm and energy.  I feel as though I've slipped back into my frustration, anger and despair of the previous years.

Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe enthusiasm and energy aren't enough.


Maybe 90 minutes every day with this level of disinterest and apathy is enough to drain the love of teaching from anyone.

A few years ago, in the midst of an entire year that made this single day look a ray of sunshine, when I was complaining to a colleague about how unhappy I was, she told me something interesting.

She said that in this district, there is so much good that you can do.  She told me that the "higher end" districts didn't need us as much.  "Anyone can walk into those classrooms and teach those kids.  You can do so much more good here!"

I don't believe her assertion that anyone could walk in and teach those kids.  Having taught at one of those districts, I know that every place has it's unique challenges.  There are teachers who do well in certain situations and poorly in others.  I don't believe that there is something as the universally good teacher.  I believe that even the best teachers (of which I would never consider myself one) would have situations, classrooms, districts in which they would flounder and struggle.

My response to her was flippant and probably sheds some light on the kind of teacher I was.

"I don't want to 'do good.'  I want to enjoy what I do."

This year, I've been revising that statement.  If she asked me now, my response might be "I like doing good, but I also want to enjoy it."

My enjoyment has been decreasing as this year has continued.  There have been spikes of good days, but examining the overall trend, I see a decline.

Even in my geometry class, where the students do, for the most part, everything I ask them, I'm almost done.  My interest in developing new lessons and plans has dwindled.


I keep thinking "It's probably just today!  It's just the weather.  It's just that time of the year."

But how many times can you think "it's just today" before you have to admit that it isn't.


I don't know how to hit the reset.  I don't know how to bring back the energy to fight, to remind myself that I AM making a difference, even if just a small one and even if just for a few kids.

If a lawyer loses 90% of his cases, should he stay a lawyer?



I'm not posting this in the hopes that anyone will comment about how great a teacher I am, or how dedicated I must be to becoming a better teacher, or how dedicated I am to my students.  I'm not posting this in the hopes that anyone will suggest I find a different district in which to work.

I'm posting this for the same three reasons that I post everything else.

1. I have thoughts I need to get down. 
2. I will have a record of my methods and mentality at some later date
3. Hopefully, someone can find strength and solace in my struggles.  If I can't help my students in the way that I want, maybe I can help other teachers.

What I do NOT want this blog to EVER be is my complaining about my district (which does what it thinks is best), my administrators (who are supportive and dedicated), my coworkers (who are trying incredibly hard every day), or my students (who are children and usually act better than I did at that age).

It is merely a reflection of my actions and thoughts.  Today, they were not up to par.

Day 117: Going Out (Into The Cosmos)

Fewer things make me happier than infecting my students with my excitement.  My major excitement for this week was the premier of Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey hosted by my hardcore man-crush, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson!  Due to television concerns and time constraints, I had not been able to watch it.

So I watched it with the geometry class.  We had to watch it on Hulu, so there were commercials, but there was dead silence during the show itself.  They were riveted!  Except, of course, for the three kids who tune out no matter what activity we do.

This is where I would normally go off about the "unreachables" but I'm too pumped.  Maybe another day.

We had an excellent discussion afterwards and I'm hoping that we can watch each new episode together, fostering a months long discussion of the nature of reality.

I also decided that if my pre-algebra kids weren't going to do the practice that I asked of them, and they weren't going to pay attention when I went over new concepts, at least I would enjoy myself.

So we went outside!  It's one thing to talk about authentic experience and another entirely to help students have one.

We've been talking about ratios and proportions and last night's homework was several problems dealing with indirect measurement.  After we went over a few of them, I took the kids outside into the beautiful weather and had them measure their height, the length of their shadow and the lengths of the shadows of three random objects.  After staying outside as long as I could justify, we talked about how the movement of the sun affected the lengths of shadows and then headed back in.

Once inside, I had students draw diagrams to represent the objects they measured and show the calculations for determining the heights of objects that they chose.

In retrospect, I think I could have provided a little more guidance in terms of what I wanted them to hand in or display, but overall, it was a fun activity and got us outside into the fresh air for a bit.  Not everyone did what I asked them to do, obviously, but I was very pleased with the ones who did and I made a point to tell them so.

I plan to ask around and see how the behavior of my kids after that trip was changed.  I have this crazy theory that if kids are allowed to relax a bit, blow off a little bit of steam, then they will be more relaxed and willing to work in their other classes.

In the second class, it was amazingly hard to come back inside.  The gorgeous weather just sapped my energy and I wanted to lay down in the parking lot and take a nap...

Day 116: Running on Empty

Daylight Savings Time is a cruel joke.  Just as I begin to feel as though my morning commute will be nice and enjoyable, watching the sun shine its first rays down upon a mostly sleeping community, we switch the clocks and I am, once again, driving in the dark, desperately trying not to fall asleep at the wheel.

I arrived at work exhausted and never really recovered.

It worked out well in Geometry, where I asked the kids to continue whatever they were working on while I did more conferences.  Sitting and having a conversation with students is not something I've ever really done.  I have done conferences before, but it wasn't really a discussion.  It was me talking, asking questions, and them answering very briefly.

This time, I had them talk and I listened.  I asked clarifying questions and waited for them to expound on what they said.  I asked them to self-evaluate and tell me why they felt they deserved an 8 instead of a 9.  I asked if they wanted to go back and try again and many of them did.

I am hoping to instill in them two separate skills.

First, more transparently, I want them to be able to explain their work thoroughly.  I feel that their ability to do this will help them to develop more critical thinking skills, which is my ultimate goal in my classroom.

Second, I want them to take pride in their work.  It starts with me actually asking them "Is this the best you can do? Are you happy with your product?"  My hope is that, eventually, I don't have to ask, but they will have my voice in their heads asking.  Ultimately, I want it to be their own voice that's urging them to do better, to be proud of what they produce.

This goes back to what I was talking about on Friday.  I want students, when they score poorly on tests, to be upset because it doesn't adequately show what they know.  Similarly, before they turn in an assignment, I want them to ask themselves "Does this accurately express my knowledge?  Am I proud of this work?"

It's a long and difficult process to go from extrinsic motivation to intrinsic, but I truly believe that schools will not succeed until we are able to do that.

My lack of energy made my pre-algebra classes more difficult than normal.  I don't know if it's the weather, the time of year, or the change in the clocks, but I simply don't have the energy to fight with them anymore.  Kids tune in and tune out at the drop of a hat.  When I try to do more interesting projects and examples, they refuse to do the work.  When I grind through problems slowly, laboring over the details, the slower students happily stay with me, participating well, but the faster students tune out.  When I try to give them more challenging work, they won't do it.

If they can't reach the apple from the ground, they would rather starve.

I pulled a student into the hallway when her laughing, chatting, singing and snacking got to be too much me.  I didn't yell, or scream, or insult, or threaten.  I told her that she was going to have to start making better decisions if she didn't want to be here next year.  I told her that she was making it very difficult for me to keep trying to help her.  She stayed in the hallway for a few minutes, then returned and was on task.

I made a special point to tell how thankful I was that she decided to join our learning environment.


I am getting increasingly concerned that my responses to student behavior is becoming too harsh.  My patience at the excuses, the rudeness and the lack of effort is almost at an end.

I could make a list of things that students say and do that drive me up a wall, but any teacher could do the same.  What I NEED to do is figure out how to better deal with it than I am.  My reactions are not good my students in the long run.

I feel as though, at least in the pre-algebra classes, I had better learning outcomes when I spent my class time doing skill and drill.  I HATE that that might be true.

If it is, then I need to finally admit that I have no idea what I'm doing and find a different profession.  I've been trying for 116 days to drag them out of the cave, kicking and screaming, and I don't know if I'm anywhere closer to the entrance.


Maybe I just need to sleep more.

Day 115: Conferences and Feedback

I started a new type of assessment after thinking heavily about what I value and my goals for the class.  Two weeks ago, I gave my geometry students, several open ended questions from the text book to work on in groups with the following instructions:

You are to solve these problems, but you are also going to be writing a solution guide.  This means that you answers and explanations should be clear to anyone who picks them up, regardless of the mathematical background.  You should not need to be present for your explanations to be clear.

They were confused, but they worked very hard.  When they turned them in, I wrote feedback, gave them a score, made suggestions for improvements and handed them back.  The class average was about a 60%.

"If you are not pleased with your scores, take a look at the comments and suggestions I have left.  You can make improvements and clarifications and turn them back in.  I will replace the old score with the new one."

While one group argued over whose fault it was that their score was so terrible, the rest of the class took my suggestions to heart and turned in honest efforts.  I am so proud of them for this.

Last week, I did the same for the next chapter, but this time, they were to hand in their work individually.  They could collaborate, but each person needed to do their own.  They were due on Monday.

Two students turned them in on time.  When I asked a few others about it, their reply was "I didn't think it was good enough to turn in yet. I'm still working on it."

I LOVE this! We can work on promptness and deadlines later.  Right now, I'm going to dive into their pride and swim around in it, Scrooge McDuck-style.

Today in class, I announced who had turned in the latest assignment.  Those who had not were to work on it. Those who had could either revise their previous assignments or continue working in the guided notes.

While they were working, I called students up one at a time to go over their assessments.  I read what they wrote out loud to them and asked clarifying questions.  Then we talked for a bit about the concepts and how they could have more effectively communicated their knowledge.

Then I asked what they felt they deserved on each question.

Almost every kid low-balled themselves.  On a problem that I thought should have earned a 9/10, they felt they earned a 4/10.  I don't think it was false humility.  I think (and fear) that they have been trained over years and years to not adequately evaluate their own work.

How often have they (has anyone) turned in a school assignment that they thought was awesome, only to get back a terrible grade with no feedback?  I'm trying to put a stop to this.

In addition to helping the students better explain their thinking and communicate their reasoning, I loved that I was able to spend some time just talking with each student.  I used it as a chance to check in with them as well about how they felt the class was going.  I didn't get through all of them, and many took their papers back with them to make revisions based on our conversations.

I wish I didn't have 31 kids in this class so that I could do these conferences more often.  Perhaps more independent work is the answer? Once they have a clearer view of my expectations, I have faith that they will exceed them with flying colors.



As class ended, one student held back.

Student: "Mr. Aion, can I talk to you for a second?"
Me: "Sure thing.  What's up?"

He told me that he had applied to a private school in the area and had been rejected.  His admissions scores were good, but apparently not good enough.  He was incredibly disappointed and wanted to know why he didn't get in.  I told him he would have to ask them, but gave him some advice on how to do so.

Me: "When you guys ask me about your grades, what's the only questions I want you to ask?"
Student: "What can I do to improve?"
Me: "Exactly. Ask them the same thing.  Don't ask them why you didn't get in. Ask them what you could do to improve your chance of acceptance the next time."

He thanked me and, after we talked a little more, I walked him to class.  This is a kid who has seemed a little off in the last few days and when I asked him about it privately, he said it was nothing.  I told him that if he wanted to talk, I was there for him.

I am so proud that he took me up on it, even if it took him a few days to do so.  I need a reminder every once in a while that I'm getting through to my students, not just on an academic level, but on a personal level.

I truly believe that teaching is not about content.  It's about relationships.


One of my students started to ask me a content question yesterday and quickly stopped.
"I hate how you never answer questions except with more questions.  But I read your blog and I know why you do it."

I have mixed feelings about students reading my blog, but on balance, I like it.  I have always written here as though they (or their parents, or my administrators, or potential administrators) might read it but never gave it much thought.  It's interesting to hear their perspective on the difference between my classroom self and my blog self.

"On your blog, you're so professional.  Not at all like in class, where you're fun!"